I GET TO EXPERIENCE MOTHERHOOD THROUGH LOVE AND MARRIAGE

When we met, she was 15, and we would see each other on weekends as per time allowed. We clicked from the beginning. I remember one Sunday morning while having breakfast and chatting about blended families, one of the things that she said to us was how some of her peers get surprised by how she speaks about me and how she looks forward to spending time with me. Yes, her Dad will most times be there, but sometimes we will do things just the two of us. According to her, one of the best things we did was never to force me upon her, and in her life. I was introduced as Sis Xoli, and we allowed for an organic get-to-know-each process. She says there is nothing worse for kids than to be told, this is your new Mother or Father. That's what makes teenagers rebellious, according to conversations they have amongst themselves. Being dictated to.

Fast-track to lockdown last year; since there was no school or unnecessary up and down, we spent our first 3weeks straight together. On one of our afternoon walks, I said to her, weekends can and could allow for pretence, 3weeks solid, we really going to have to remove our masks if there is any or else we will choke and die 😂🤣😂. We needed to introduce genuine and authentic selves to each other. That three week period was a significant learning process—her and me. We, as a family. Me and her Dad (as a team) with her. It's easy to be all chirpy for 2 nights when visiting. This time around, sometimes one wants personal space or wants to do something outside of the family unit. Sometimes having all three of us joined at the hip. So our real and true selves emerged. The great thing was the prior conversations we had that allowed us to not take offence to certain things. By the end of 3weeks, we emerged stronger and solid.

Then this year, her matric year, she is staying with us full-time. A huge leap from weekends to 3weeks. I can only say, I would choose her over and over again. The good and not-so-good. The laughter and the tears. The treasured memories and memories we would rather forget. Interesting that we had this conversation last Friday on our drive back from school. When I prayed to meet a guy who was fine with me not wanting kids of my own and will already have teenagers, someone was on duty and processed that prayer fast. Through this journey, I find it fascinating that I find myself re-parenting my inner-child too and being grateful to my Mom. Gogolam, Gogozi and Aunty Tholi.

The other teenager is not in our lives, but I sure am looking forward to that chapter. Sometimes the three of us chat and envision that chapter.

P.S. I found it interesting that Nomzamo asked for a clip-on Motherhood from me the other day. I am a Godmother and Aunty, and that was my experience of Motherhood, this type of Motherhood through love and marriage is another angle to it. Motherhood is vast and is different things to all of us. I know that biological Motherhood is another angle. Motherhood through adoption. I was overwhelmed by the emotions I felt while recording the clip. Cheers to Motherhood in all its spheres.